Monday, April 19, 2010

the need for sleep, emptiness, and the smell of flowers always

This week has been a long one, filled with long days. I'd like to sleep forever, please.

Many months back, Bonnie decided it would be awesome to start a Bible/book study based on the book "Not For Sale" by David Batstone. We finally got it started a few weeks ago and have been meeting on Tuesday nights to discuss what we've read. God has been breaking my heart for these atrocities that I've known about for so long but from which I kept my distance for so long. It's easy to become depressed and hopeless, but our Lord is full of grace and beautiful promises. Please read Isaiah 58. I would write it all in this post, but I'm afraid the abundance of words might scare people away from reading the rest of my thoughts. :P
So Tuesdays are long, but they're wonderful.

God is asking me to give things up. I want to. I want so badly to trust Him completely, to allow Him to fully be Lord over my life, my future, my dreams, my heart...everything. But it seems that any time I give something up to Him, I immediately start searching for something else to hold onto in its place. I'm in need of emptiness. Only in my emptiness, my fragility, my vulnerability am I able to allow God to fill me. It is then that I catch a glimpse of vision and purpose. When I try to figure out my own life, to decide on a future path, I end up feeling like my life has no direction...

"Then I thought, 'To this I will appeal: the years of the right hand of the Most High.' I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember Your miracles of long ago. I will meditate on all Your works and consider all Your mighty deeds." ~ Psalm 77:10-12

The Lord is faithful.

I love the song "Young at Heart". And the smell of April flowers in Houston.

It rained yesterday, so we had Simple Feast under the bridge. It brought back memories of rainy Simple Feasts in late August and September - back when all of this was so new. I love those memories. They remind me of how far God has brought me and how faithful He's been.

Monday, April 5, 2010

i guess it's about time

Time for an update!

So. The new building that Ecclesia was going to buy fell through. I'm confused by this. It seemed SO perfect. It was in our neighborhood, about 25 minutes walking from our house. The location is in the second ward, close to both the third and fifth wards, providing countless opportunities to minister to the poor and marginalized. I just KNEW it was the building God wanted Ecclesia to have. I guess I was wrong. Because we're not getting it. I'm struggling with this...

We had a lovely two weeks of Spring when we returned from break. Now it's beginning to feel like summer (to me anyway, but I'm not a native Houstonian). It was nice while it lasted. I'm bracing myself for the coming heat and humidity.

Yesterday we celebrated Easter with a service held at Miller Outdoor Theater. There were THOUSANDS of people there. Rich, poor, young, old, all different races. It was a small glimpse into the Kingdom of God. Afterwards we feasted. Thousands of hot dogs and hamburgers were grilled and people brought food from their homes as well. We feasted together, celebrating the Risen King. When the service began the sky was overcast. By the time it ended, the sun had broken through. What beautiful symbolism. It was a beautiful day!

I love God. He is so faithful. I was reminded recently of how He brought me to this place, how He called me and led me and spoke to me. It was a beautiful reminder.

These are some things I've been hearing from Him lately:

"Faith never knows where it is being led, but it knows and loves the One who is leading." ~ Oswald Chambers

"Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go, for to You I lift up my soul." ~ Psalm 143:8 (this is my prayer)

"'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus and to take Him at His word; just to rest upon His promise, and to know, "Thus saith the Lord." Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him! How I've proved Him o'er and o'er! Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus! O for grace to trust Him more!" ~ Louisa Stead

Faith. Trust. Waiting on the Lord. This is what I'm learning. This is what I'm striving for.