Monday, December 21, 2009

prepare for some rambling...

Sometimes I have deep thoughts. Thoughts so profound that I can't help but think how awesome I am and how I should become a writer and share my thoughts with the world. Thoughts so great I repeat them over and over in my head and marvel at my cleverness. But then I forget them. There's a book full of wonderful thoughts somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind, if only I could find them.
So I decided to sit down and just type things as they come to me. Honestly, it kind of scares me. That doesn't make any sense, though, because I can just delete whatever doesn't sound clever. Because that's what it's all about, right? Cleverness, image, making sure other people see me the way I want them to see me. I know in my head that that is not at all what life is about, but somehow what's in my head doesn't always make it to my heart, or the nerves that control my limbs and my actions.
We all have our insecurities. We all have our flaws. And we all know that we all have our insecurities and our flaws. But we still try to appear flawless and confident. We walk with our heads held high and we talk as if we have it all together....but we don't. And we know it. If we could only show it...there's strength in transparency. We're meant to help each other. We're made to help each other. We're not made to face things alone. Relationship. Love.

It always comes down to love.

Love.

I'm learning lots of things through Mission Year. And it's good to be at home on break and to have time to reflect. It's weird to be home, though. It's weird to be away from Houston. It's weird to be back in the house where I was this summer, anticipating Mission Year, dreaming about what things would be like, feeling restless. Now I've experienced it - and it's changed me. My perspective has changed. Things I once only felt in my heart or thought in my head are things I now have lived and am learning to live more fully.
I'm learning the importance of opening myself each day to God.
I'm learning that it's pointless to have my own agenda.
I'm learning how terribly flawed and worthless I am.
I'm learning how abundantly loved and priceless I am.
I'm learning how crazy Jesus is.
I'm learning how crazy in love I am with Jesus.
I'm learning to love.
I'm learning to live.
I'm learning to live love.

I love you all. Thanks for reading my ramblings.

3 comments:

  1. Sarah that was fantastic, thanks for sharing, because I go through that thought process lots of times...being a writer too :D. I'm praying for you friend!

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  2. bethany - prayer is so powerful. i am so thankful for your prayers. you are such an encouraging friend. :)

    sean - you are awesomer. and beautifuler. end of story. ;)

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